Pain and Exhaustion
by afteryears
Summary: You never know how much pain you're in, or how tired you are, until you stop running. Dissidia fanfic.


Warnings: Blood, mild Duodecim spoilers, character death

Author's Notes: I made the bad decision to play Duodecim again, after finishing FF:IV for the millionth time. "What if...Bartz didn't go first..." was a thought, and then this happened. Also, Luneth. Because I'm a bit bitter with Dissidia. Enjoy!

* * *

Was their purpose, only to fight for Cosmos? On the battle fields of mirrored and almost forgotten worlds? These were days that ultimately, would be recycled over. And over. And over again, with the warriors tiring more every single time. But for Cecil, he had thought he wasn't at that point of exhaustion quite yet. Even though he himself had very few, and vague memories, they only reminded him that battle was a necessary thing in life. A need to struggle on.

A need to jump in and save a comrade, who would have been doomed to die.

It was in high hopes that he would have been able so save Luneth and escape safely with him. Emperor Palemecia had the poor boy literally, pushed into a corner. One step and he would have stepped into the spell trap, something his small form would not have been able to withstand. Even if he had managed to get past that... Even though the knight was a wonder at close ranged attacks,The Emperor would still be in his face, giving him no time to react. No intervention would have meant the demise of their youngest warrior.

Hesitation was left far behind with a ball of moonlight shattering against a golden staff. That was enough to interrupt the trap and its effects. The owner had taken a few steps back at the impact, leaving the paladin with enough room to stand between him and Luneth. The protests to stay and fight rose the second Cecil's arm swat away a spell cast by the Emperor. At one point during his blocking, he felt the small hand that held his cape tremble. All it took then was a stern, but loving tone and a promise to get the boy to make his escape.

"Luneth. A knight is made by that which he protects. Let me protect _you_ now, and you can protect _me_ another time."

The paladin did not have to turn fully to know the boost of energy he had given. The boys farewell was a pat on the older males back, and a quick glimpse of his cape leaving Pandemonium. Taking up his spear now, the man prayed to Cosmos that the small knight would be safe on his journey back to the party. Playing dirty was expected of Emperor Palemecia, but cornering a child was too much for the knight to let slide. His body felt a little heavy but, he had to finish this. If he did die here, Cecil would be at ease knowing Luneth had returned to safety.

* * *

Emperor Palemecia, did not kill him. The last dregs of the battle was when the thoughts of escape had hit. Blue eyes would quickly move to areas in which he might have been able to flee. Somewhere in there the blond decided he would back off, and let the man slip from his fingers. There was no questioning it.

Unable to go no further, Cecil stopped running. A quick glance around was enough to tell him that he was on the Lunar Subterranean. A fragment of the world he, his brother, and Kain had shared. Against a rock pillar was where he managed to find rest. Wetness had slipped down his arm to collect at his fingertips. Blood. A potion was desperately needed. Surely someone, somewhere had one. His thoughts then were in a quick panic.

 _Was_ Luneth able to make it to safety? If so, did he let their comrades know what had happened? Was Kain made aware? Was anyone going to come looking for him...?

Looking up, his question was answered with Kain appearing before him. He did not have to see his face, Cecil knew the man was worried. Before the dragoon could make a step closer, the paladin attempted to close that distance himself, only to collapse. The blond was able to catch him and ease him to his knees. A short laugh was made to the ground. Kain was always the gentleman, even though his tone was rude half the time and his actions harsh. The feeling of gentleness holding him only triggered how much pain he was actually in. Cecil felt everything now. Deep shock wounds, punctures from some of the spells, the blood slowly pooling in areas of his armor. There was no potion strong enough to save him at this point.

But, maybe Kain could?

The other night Cecil had woken to hear his lover whispering to himself the plans he had He was going to off his own companions before anyone in Chaos could, to give them a running start in the next cycle. To any other, these thoughts and future actions were cold and unreasonable. The paladin knew that these deeds would be ones of compassion. Others did not know the depths of the dragoons's heart the way that Cecil did. It was here that Cecil made the decision, the plan would start its course with him.

"Cecil, I'm going to lean you back against the stone. Please bear it."

The smooth voice was cooling as the half-Lunarian was placed. Gods, he felt exhausted. It was becoming harder to focus on anything, he had barely registered Kain removing his helm to inspect the knight further. Chapped lips moved so slowly it seemed, asking where everything hurt. Frowning to find that it'd be too risky to move Cecil a long distance. Violet hues seemed so hazy now as they looked into Cecil's. His gaze did not fall from Kain's on purpose. It was just becoming harder to keep his own head up. A shine on the ground not far from them was what caught his focus. Gungnir.

The motion to the lance was weak in itself but it was enough to catch the blond's notice. A golden eyebrow raised not knowing the intention of his lover pointing to his blade. Kain's heart picked up it's pace when he heard Cecil's words with the paladin's tears running down his face.

"Please, Kain, do it. I'm... so tired now."

Kain cut him off when he took a hold of the others slender hands. When he put some strength into giving them a squeeze, Kain spoke against his forehead as if choking back tears,

"Are...you sure...?"

He placed a kiss on Cecil's forehead when no answer was given. The man didn't have to say anything to let him know that he was most definitely sure. Even if the dragoon had run to get help now, it would be no surprise if the man he was holding would pass shortly after. No matte how fast Kain left. There would have been no one there to be with him in his final moments. He felt that Cecil was going to speak again, and so he leaned back a bit staring lovingly at the wounded male. To think, the need to protect would be what ended the man with hair like starlight.

Sharply taking in a breath, Cecil tried finish what he had been saying, "Tell Luneth that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you too... I'm in so much pain now..."

Only Kain could ease that pain. Kain with the handsome face and pretty hair. Kain with the calloused hands and gentle heart who was placing soft kisses against his loves lips. Was he crying too? The knight couldn't tell with how fast his vision was dimming. His cheek was pressed against the coolness of a chest plate when he finally closed his eyes and breathing seemed to cease.

Cecil's body had held out as long as it could. Gave him a little more time to say what he had to, and to see his lover for the last time. There were no regrets. Luneth was safe, he was sure. His injuries would not hold the group back. They could continue on with their mission to collect their crystals. The dragoon would begin his mission to protect them all, even if it was at the end of his lance. This job was to begin with the death of the paladin.

 _Dying... Was this my purpose?_

A soft, light voice answered in what was left of his consciousness,

 _ **Yes.**_

 _Do I have to leave everyone? Must I leave Kain?_

 _ **Yes. You'll see them, and him again. When you wake.**_

 _I'm so tired..._

 _ **You are such a good boy. You may rest now, Cecil.**_

* * *

Now, this wasn't right.

"Are you _sure_ there was only us ten? No others?" Cecil's tone was distressed. He had asked the Warrior of Light about their count three times already. When they had all woken up, he could have sworn they were missing some of their party. Clearly, the question was beginning to annoy the other man.

It was Bartz who decided to answer this time, "I uh, think he's sure, Cecil. Whats got you so worked up?"

"I've _told_ you all! Others were with us! One was a tall man with long blond hair, wearing dragon armor."

"You might have been dreaming, Cecil. The only blonds here are Luneth, Terra, Cloud and Tidus. Only Luneth is wearing armor, and none of them are very tall." Firion responded with some concern in his voice. His friend had been upset for a few hours now.

"I wasn't dreaming..." The male mumbled softly as he put on his helm. He felt some tears fall, and he was glad the rest couldn't see. When somewhat composed, he followed the rest to begin their search for the crystals. He felt lied to, but could not figure out why.

 _I_ _ **know**_ _there was another man with us. Thinking about him gives me chills. Remembering his eyes makes my heart ache. I feel alone without him, whoever he was. It feels like I'm missing a man who could very well be dead._


End file.
